In the Spirit of Open and Honest Communication...

In the spirit of open and honest communication, I would like to share my thoughts about a particular issue. A subject that has always deeply concerned me for various reasons. The issue that has, in the past and present, caused me much anxiety and unrest is my concern that women are not treated as they should be. Too often women are disrespected, unappreciated, abused, neglected, manipulated, and hurt. I'm talking about major things. Not something easily repaired like making up after a misunderstanding or sending an apology note to someone who has hurt feelings.

Think deeper, like years of harsh and hurtful words. Emotional, mental, or physical abuse. People who the woman loves most constantly pulling different strings to make her feel a certain way so the woman will do certain things. That kind of manipulation is disgusting and shameful. Such things done to a woman, or any human being for that matter, can be damaging beyond repair. Such things can rip away at the core of any good woman until she is completely stripped of pride, confidence, and any other beautiful characteristic that makes a woman strong and resiliant.

In my own experience, there are things I'm still healing from that happened years ago. I can firmly attest that after being ripped at over a period of time that some parts of a woman may never heal within this lifetime. I'm grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ which extends me strength when I'm too weak to endure. I'm grateful for a husband who has defended me and works everyday to show his love for me. I have entrusted him with my heart with all of it's broken pieces and dark secrets. He has NEVER used those things against me or judged me for who am I or what I've done. I'm grateful for my Dad who tried his best to teach me that I'm a daughter of God; to show me that I'm worth much more than I've ever accepted for myself. I'm grateful for 3 amazing brothers who have defended me and, even when I was less than worthy of it, have loved and respected me.

I have amazing women in my life from whom I have gathered strength, courage, and charity. My mom is amazing. When I was a teenager, she endured my unruly behavior and loved me despite my selfishness. She taught, loved and listened and then taught, loved, and listened some more. She did that for years until I finally grew up and took accountability for the selfish things I'd been doing. It's worthy to note that while I argued with my parents and constantly challenged their authority, there were boundaries I was never allowed to cross. When I turned 18 there came a turning point where I had gone too far and stepped outside of those boundaries. My Dad, who would not stand for his kids taking advantage of his wife presented me with an ultimatium: I was welcome to stay home and follow the rules or leave the home and carry on my deplorable behavior elsewhere. His home would not be turned into a place of turmoil and contention. I had to make a choice. Would I stay within the boundaries and live in our peaceful home or would I continue on somewhere else? I went somewhere else. Over the next few days I was filled with darkness and longed to be with my family again. I didn't want to be without them and I realized that I was much happier, safer, and productive when I took responsibility for myself and stopped heaping my terrible attitude and behavior on my parents. I went home and I'm humbled to write that they lovingly took me back in. It took a lot of stumbling around for me to figure out that to be a happy, productive, covenant-keeping adult, I HAVE to take responsibility for what I do and don't do. My happiness is not my parents' or husband's responsibility. It is mine.

Another woman who has meant so much to me is my Grandma Hayward. Her passing is still hard for me to think about and accept. I miss her, and I will miss her until the day we are reunited and I can hug her and cry with her and laugh with her. I have so much to tell her. She taught me about God's love for me as an individual. Her testimony has boosted my troubled heart and reminded me of what's most important in my life.

My G-Ma (my mom's mom) is quite a lady! She is strong and confident and sure of who she is. She has taught me how to stand up against people who wish to degrade a woman's worth. I love her for that. I have adopted her steadfast understanding that a woman can do and be far more than what the world projects that we should be. Women were not placed on Earth to be sexual objects, victims of emotional, mental, or physical abuse, or anything less than a daughter of God.

Recently, I've gotten to know a wonderful woman named Jo Ann. Already she has become my friend and I love the person she is. She's amazing. I'm thankful she is in our lives and I look forward to creating new memories with her. I know she has been hurt in her life, but I'm inspired by her ability to move forward and love regardless of her past.

It concerns me that my daughter is growing up in a world where people are ruthless and hurtful to women. I know that my husband and I will do all that we can to teach her how valuable she is and not to accept people in her life that would tear her down. I know that we will also teach our son to value and defend his sister at all times. It is my hope that if we are successful in this endeavor that our Alliyah will one day only accept for herself a man worthy of her. Someone who loves God and loves her beyond his own life. Someone who would never seek to hurt her, only to inspire the best in her. And for Anthony, that he would cherish his future wife and love and support her as he's seen his own dad, grandpas, and uncles do for their wives.

I've been blessed to have many examples of worthy priesthood holders in my life who revere women as the daughters of God they truly are. And I have been blessed with many women who refuse to accept the sludge and destruction that contention and selfishness brings. I thank each of these people who have contributed to my life so positively.

I hope that we can all, myself included, remember that when we disappoint each other that we shouldn't dissolve to hurtful, abusive behavior, but that we remember that each woman in our lives is a daughter of our Heavenly Father and to treat them as God Himself would. We are all part of His eternal family and should seek to strengthen the ties that bind us together, not focus on what could tear us apart.